in no mood to study.no coffee(excuses)
am still feeling the Raya vibe. i have a feeling tho this raya in cyber wont be filled with crashing ppl's houses and demanding food.what with everyone busy with exams n people scattered everywhere.
dreading the week after next.haih.
bumped into someone who reminded me of a situation where i never thought i'd be in and one which i didnt quite know how to handle. ive forgiven, but i cant seem to forget. cause i have good memory,maybe? my problem is that i remember too many unimportant details.i forget the important ones,like what the treatment for endometriosis is.or the ovarian tumors.
absence does make the heart grow fonder. everytime i bump into my friends from other postings, i get all excited. :)
missing my lil reja terribly. i loved waking up to him and spending those mornings alone with him playing 'where's reja??' till my knees hurt.
no matter what you say, i still believe that small things matter. the fact that one would take the time to do these small things - with full knowledge that it might go unnoticed,but does it anyway - is a huge thing to me. :)
i am going through caffeine-withdrawal syndrome.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
L&D
my first day of this 2 week stint in the LND has been emotionally exhausting.
my first patient was sweet,yet revealed too much information to me.
i got to watch an epidural,and the anaes was very nice to explain what she was doin while doin it.the delivery was succesful Alhamdulillah, then the cord snapped during CCT! so they did a manual removal of placenta, where the doctor puts his hand all the way into the uterus to manually remove the placenta.it was surreal. Thank God the lady was on epidural.i think i did not blink or breathe throughout the procedure.but Alhamdulillah she seemed fine after that, happily looking at her healthy baby which i got to clean up with baby oil and dress him :) (sometimes i think i'd rather be a nurse cos they get to do all the fun stuff with the babies)
a lovely young couple lost their 31-weeks-old baby today. there were some fetal abnormalities, so even though the baby was >800g, she wasnt viable :( i watched the father staring helplessly at his child.crying into his hands.
cant help thinking bout those people who kill their babies without another thought when these people would do anything to keep theirs alive. its sad really.
my first look into the darker side of O&G. its much too dark. i am definitely cutting O&G from the list. i can handle the death of a neonate, i believe he/she will be happy in heaven,insyaAllah. but its a bit harder to handle the parents of a dead baby. Its times like these when its easier to console those who have faith in Him. because theres nothing you can say otherwise.
my first patient was sweet,yet revealed too much information to me.
i got to watch an epidural,and the anaes was very nice to explain what she was doin while doin it.the delivery was succesful Alhamdulillah, then the cord snapped during CCT! so they did a manual removal of placenta, where the doctor puts his hand all the way into the uterus to manually remove the placenta.it was surreal. Thank God the lady was on epidural.i think i did not blink or breathe throughout the procedure.but Alhamdulillah she seemed fine after that, happily looking at her healthy baby which i got to clean up with baby oil and dress him :) (sometimes i think i'd rather be a nurse cos they get to do all the fun stuff with the babies)
a lovely young couple lost their 31-weeks-old baby today. there were some fetal abnormalities, so even though the baby was >800g, she wasnt viable :( i watched the father staring helplessly at his child.crying into his hands.
cant help thinking bout those people who kill their babies without another thought when these people would do anything to keep theirs alive. its sad really.
my first look into the darker side of O&G. its much too dark. i am definitely cutting O&G from the list. i can handle the death of a neonate, i believe he/she will be happy in heaven,insyaAllah. but its a bit harder to handle the parents of a dead baby. Its times like these when its easier to console those who have faith in Him. because theres nothing you can say otherwise.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
1:39 am
i have decided today that i will
- enjoy my student life because i have been told that i will have no life once housemanship starts.
- not let the small things ruin my day.
- not let someone else determine my mood or happiness level for the day.
- not let that annoying person annoy me so much.
- continue to be in awe and tear-up during deliveries and will not care that people think im too sensitive.
- smile at the 'ketat' nurse.
- try my best to always make my parents happy.esp mama.
- keep in better touch with people who matter more.
- not care so much about things not worth caring about. things that i proly cannot change anyway.
- be nicer to people. even when they irk me.
- pretend that everything is alright even when it isnt cos they usually turn out alright eventually. so no point dwelling over it.
- remember that no one is perfect. so i shouldnt expect too much from others.
- have more faith in God. InsyaAllah.
Spending my nights in the hospital makes me make lists like these in my head :)
- enjoy my student life because i have been told that i will have no life once housemanship starts.
- not let the small things ruin my day.
- not let someone else determine my mood or happiness level for the day.
- not let that annoying person annoy me so much.
- continue to be in awe and tear-up during deliveries and will not care that people think im too sensitive.
- smile at the 'ketat' nurse.
- try my best to always make my parents happy.esp mama.
- keep in better touch with people who matter more.
- not care so much about things not worth caring about. things that i proly cannot change anyway.
- be nicer to people. even when they irk me.
- pretend that everything is alright even when it isnt cos they usually turn out alright eventually. so no point dwelling over it.
- remember that no one is perfect. so i shouldnt expect too much from others.
- have more faith in God. InsyaAllah.
Spending my nights in the hospital makes me make lists like these in my head :)
Sunday, September 6, 2009
I have a uterus, Alhamdulillah.
i still get an overwhelming feeling everytime i see the birth of a child.somewhere between ultimate joy and ultimate disbelief that every mother goes through this process.it is indeed a huge miracle.a scary one at that.i think everyone, regardless of wether you want to be a doctor or not, should witness this battle between life and death that women all over the world go through.when u watch the blood, tears and all that energy drained out of a women in labour, only then do you really appreciate our mothers.
i like observing the fathers in the labour rooms. u have the strong ones, the ones who encourage and support their wives through the looong difficult process.praying and zikir-ing to try and ease the pain.some of them 'push' more than the wives,its a wonder they dont defecate in their pants.comel.but these are the minority.the others stand there dumbfounded and blur.with no words of encouragement.scared perhaps?
and they call women the weaker sex :p
every mother is a hero. imagine having to carry around this little parasite in you for 9 months, with the nausea and vommiting. the sleepless nights.the UTIs.the diabetes and hypertension.with all the risks of antepartum hemorrage, the death that can occur so easily. not to mention, the extreme pain in childbirth. then after delivery some of them go thru the blues.and even more sleepless nights!
and yet, after all the screaming and unbearable pain, the incision and suturing at sensitive parts, as soon as the child is thrown onto the mother's chest(yes,they throw the baby), its as if none of that happened. one mother told me she was ready for her second child right after giving birth to the first one. :)
i guess u'll never know your full capacity to love someone until you have a child.
Giving birth and mothering a child is definitely not for the weak.i guess thats why God didnt provide men a uterus. ;)
i like observing the fathers in the labour rooms. u have the strong ones, the ones who encourage and support their wives through the looong difficult process.praying and zikir-ing to try and ease the pain.some of them 'push' more than the wives,its a wonder they dont defecate in their pants.comel.but these are the minority.the others stand there dumbfounded and blur.with no words of encouragement.scared perhaps?
and they call women the weaker sex :p
every mother is a hero. imagine having to carry around this little parasite in you for 9 months, with the nausea and vommiting. the sleepless nights.the UTIs.the diabetes and hypertension.with all the risks of antepartum hemorrage, the death that can occur so easily. not to mention, the extreme pain in childbirth. then after delivery some of them go thru the blues.and even more sleepless nights!
and yet, after all the screaming and unbearable pain, the incision and suturing at sensitive parts, as soon as the child is thrown onto the mother's chest(yes,they throw the baby), its as if none of that happened. one mother told me she was ready for her second child right after giving birth to the first one. :)
i guess u'll never know your full capacity to love someone until you have a child.
Giving birth and mothering a child is definitely not for the weak.i guess thats why God didnt provide men a uterus. ;)
Monday, August 31, 2009
Tanggal 31 bulan 8
people are not very easy to please.no matter how hard i try, there'll always be someone not quite happy with my decisions.
it should be that i need not explain these things to you.
God,should be the only one i strive to please from now on.
Help me God,for i am weak.
its not easy to be the bigger person.
its a good month for forgiving & forgetting though,so im trying that out.
Happy merdeka?
should be a good time to be thankful for our independence.thankful that our children can go to school without us having to worry that they might not make it home. thankful that we dont have to sleep at night to the sound of bombs. thankful that no one is going to kick us out from our rightful homes and burn it down.
instead of just waving flags,singing songs,and watching parades, lets use today to reflect on all the good we have, and pray that Palestine will have them too, insyaAllah.
it should be that i need not explain these things to you.
God,should be the only one i strive to please from now on.
Help me God,for i am weak.
its not easy to be the bigger person.
its a good month for forgiving & forgetting though,so im trying that out.
Happy merdeka?
should be a good time to be thankful for our independence.thankful that our children can go to school without us having to worry that they might not make it home. thankful that we dont have to sleep at night to the sound of bombs. thankful that no one is going to kick us out from our rightful homes and burn it down.
instead of just waving flags,singing songs,and watching parades, lets use today to reflect on all the good we have, and pray that Palestine will have them too, insyaAllah.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
23:48
I attended a workshop on mental health of traumatized children during my electives. It’s probably one of the most interesting workshops I’ve ever attended and probably the only one with a wide range of participants. They were mostly psychiatrists, or people working with mentally ill children..but there were quite a few students, retired teachers, peaditricians. basically we learnt a great way to help children who’ve gone through bad experiences such as the tsunami, a broken family, MVAs or natural disasters.
I really did learn a lot today. And I met a lot of very interestin people. Even met some slightly eccentric people. I had the good fortune of learning from a very experienced woman who worked with child victims of the tsunami. Her stories were incredible. How these children suddenly become orphans and how they have to deal with the sudden,violent loss of their loved ones.
Mostly, mental health has to do with a lot of talking things out. And having someone who can listen and encourage you is a huge step towards recovery. This new system has been implemented in Western countries and has been proven effective. I, however questioned wether this sytem could be as effective in Asian countries, namely Malaysia or Indonesia, where children are so used to not having a voice. Children here are not usually allowed an opinion on things. We are programmed to listen and follow orders. We do things because we are told to, but we are not explained why we have to. Most children do not have a voice of their own. So when crisis strikes, when expressing yourself and what you’re feeling is the best way to recovery, our children find it awkward.
That’s why here in Malaysia, they make use of the child’s creative side, thank God a child’s imagination cannot be taken away from him. So making them draw out their feelings actually does a whole world of good. They tell their stories through their drawings. We can interpret what they’re trying to tell us by their choice of colour, the way they draw and even the intensity of the strokes.
i have decided that i want to be in this line of work in the future, insyaAllah. :)
(im quite sure i dont want to be an O&G specialist.heh.)
I really did learn a lot today. And I met a lot of very interestin people. Even met some slightly eccentric people. I had the good fortune of learning from a very experienced woman who worked with child victims of the tsunami. Her stories were incredible. How these children suddenly become orphans and how they have to deal with the sudden,violent loss of their loved ones.
Mostly, mental health has to do with a lot of talking things out. And having someone who can listen and encourage you is a huge step towards recovery. This new system has been implemented in Western countries and has been proven effective. I, however questioned wether this sytem could be as effective in Asian countries, namely Malaysia or Indonesia, where children are so used to not having a voice. Children here are not usually allowed an opinion on things. We are programmed to listen and follow orders. We do things because we are told to, but we are not explained why we have to. Most children do not have a voice of their own. So when crisis strikes, when expressing yourself and what you’re feeling is the best way to recovery, our children find it awkward.
That’s why here in Malaysia, they make use of the child’s creative side, thank God a child’s imagination cannot be taken away from him. So making them draw out their feelings actually does a whole world of good. They tell their stories through their drawings. We can interpret what they’re trying to tell us by their choice of colour, the way they draw and even the intensity of the strokes.
i have decided that i want to be in this line of work in the future, insyaAllah. :)
(im quite sure i dont want to be an O&G specialist.heh.)
Saturday, August 8, 2009
080809
For those whom Islam has embraced, the greatest witness to God's unremitting, pursuing, sustaining, and guiding love is the Quran. Like a vast magnificent ocean, it lures you deeper and deeper into its dazzling waves until you are swept into it. But instead of drowning in a sea of darkness, you find yourself immersed in an ocean of divine light and mercy. As i read the Quran and performed the prayers, a door to my heart was unsealed and i was immersed in an overwhelming tenderness. Love became more permanent and real than the earth beneath my feet ; its power restored me and made it so that even i could feel love..i was happy enough to have found faith in a sensible religion - but i never expected to be touched by such intoxicating mercy.
- Jeffrey Lang.
- Jeffrey Lang.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
a fresh start
its amazing how God plans things for you. how He makes things happen without you realizing it. its very often that i forget that everything has it's hikmah. everything happens for a reason.
met someone who has changed alot in me all in a week. changed my perception of life and how its suppose to be. and changed my perception about how and why we should be of use in this world. all without meaning to do so :)
sometimes a fresh start is all you need. sometimes you just need someone to tell you that you can do it. and all you need is a little push. a little understanding. a little empowerment. getting out of your comfort zone and being reminded of your worth.
met someone who has changed alot in me all in a week. changed my perception of life and how its suppose to be. and changed my perception about how and why we should be of use in this world. all without meaning to do so :)
sometimes a fresh start is all you need. sometimes you just need someone to tell you that you can do it. and all you need is a little push. a little understanding. a little empowerment. getting out of your comfort zone and being reminded of your worth.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
setting your priorities straight
is much easier said than done.
haih.
'the fact that you dont seem to care,
pierces me like a knife on a dare'
haih.
'the fact that you dont seem to care,
pierces me like a knife on a dare'
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
i forgot.
" Invite to the way of your Lord with wisdom (revelations of the Quran) and the best of speech; and argue with them in the best of ways and most gracious..."
[16:125]
we forget.
[16:125]
we forget.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
its done!
yesterday was the last day of my pre-clinical studies. as much as i am looking forward to a new phase, and at last meeting real patients i can interact with,im dead afraid of not being able to reach my standards and dissapointing the people who matter.Thank God for the few months before actually starting, giving me a chance to buck up,insyaAllah.
the saddest thing would be having to part with some people who have made my 3 years here unbelievably beautiful. :( Thank God for photographs. :)
i need to realize that there are some things i cannot control and probably have no say over. its in my nature to worry about everything to do with my loved ones though.but sometimes, all that can be done is to pray that everything goes well.
on a happier note, will be spending more time with Red now! its amazing really how something so small can have an effect so big on everyone who meets him. its funny how i can rudely be woken up by his shrieks yet start laughing the moment i see his tiny fists trying to punch me. and after a loooong while of screaming his lungs out and throwing a tantrum while the milk is being made and cooled, and after he's full and pushes the bottle away, he'll suddenly start giving you his most charming smiles accompanied by the gile cute dimples and you'll just feel like biting him. Pandai tau budak kecik tu. im sure when he grows up,he can get away with anything with that smile. cant wait to bring him swimming and playing badminton. ok la, maybe badminton will have to wait. :)
lalalala..just the thought of him has lifted up my mood. this boy is a drug!
Friday, April 17, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
love
All mothers are rich when they love their children. There are no poor mothers, no ugly ones, no old ones. Their love is always the most beautiful of joys.
Monday, February 16, 2009
wild horses
true friendship is not about being there when its convenient; its about being there when its not.
realizing that 2nd year is coming to an end :(
realizing that 2nd year is coming to an end :(
no amount of coffee
"Promise me you'll always remember: you're braver than you believe,stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think" - Christopher Robin to Pooh
babun pak ngah with his nephew :)
babun pak ngah with his nephew :)Friday, February 13, 2009
setting your priorities straight
is much easier said than done.
haih.
'the fact that you dont seem to care,
pierces me like a knife on a dare'
haih.
'the fact that you dont seem to care,
pierces me like a knife on a dare'
Friday, January 23, 2009
the israeli and NS killings
NS is killing us all. i didnt think any normal person could retain all that information forced into us in 3 days. all the weird names and nerves and nuclei and decussations. i like saying substansia gelatinosa though. heh. but after panda rattled everything about the brain stem and cranial nerves to us yesterday, im starting to think its possible. it just needs me sitting down and actually attempting to memorize.
still high after seeing Tun Mahathir in the flesh last sunday :D he's so comel! his speech was superb of course. although, i thought the speech by Chandra Muzaffar was more inspiring. i didnt want him to stop talking.
some points that i remember from Chandra Muzaffar (esp for abel..sorry turtle!!!)
- the greatest injustice in this world today is Palestine
- zionism is part of imperialism. and you need to kill zionism in order to kill imperialism
- Israel is above the law like no other land is
- we cannot liberate people if the liberation movement itself is divided
yes. i took some notes. i have bad memory!
Tun's speech was not as intense as Chandra's. he urged us to boycott israeli and american products. not because it would be effective in dampening their economy, but because it is morally right. He said doing this would simbolize the beginning of a struggle. if the struggle must go on for another 60 years, then it will - until justice is done.
something about drinking coke is like drinking the blood of the palestinians. i have stopped btw.
it was overwhelming to see the crowd. especially since it was composed of people from literally all walks of life. all there for one thing. to help in any way in stopping the injustice that is palestine.
prof Latiff says - dont do nothing.
the pamphlet distributing was definitely interesting. met people who didnt have a clue about what was going on, but was eager to know what they could do when they knew. Then there was the guy who didnt want to aknowledge this situation as a humanitarian issue and was convinced he knew more than any of us because he was from the 'media'. he even went as far as to kutuk Mercy Malaysia by saying they were a picky bunch and was not fair in choosing places to help. i wanted to ask him what he was doing about anything besides complaining and looking for faults in all the things well-meaning people were doing, but that could have turned into a fight, and he was much bigger than me, so i decided to concentrate my energy on the people who had a concsience. there was the Bosnian girl and Pakistani guy who wanted to donate but didnt know how or where. the palestinian guy who expressed his gratitude for what Malaysians were doing. (though not much at all). his wife was in Gaza. ( i didnt ask wether he knew if she was still alive, i myself was afraid of the answer)
all in all, it was an eye-opening experience and i wish i could do more.
dont say we cant do anything. there is always something we can do. some suggestions from the pamphlet.
1) educate yourself - find out the realities of the situation. get your facts right, diversify your sources of information.
2) be involved! - participate in events, campaigns and workshops. be proactive.
3) spread the word - tell a friend,blog about it, put it up on facebook or write to the media.
4) support the cause - donate generously towards the Palestinian cause
5) most importantly - KEEP THEM IN YOUR THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS.
insyaAllah, everything will turn out for the better.
btw, i hate speaking in public and i hope everyone will stop thinking im just kidding.
on a lighter note - happy hols! sorry i may not be reachable for 1 week due to the lil one we call red. :D
still high after seeing Tun Mahathir in the flesh last sunday :D he's so comel! his speech was superb of course. although, i thought the speech by Chandra Muzaffar was more inspiring. i didnt want him to stop talking.
some points that i remember from Chandra Muzaffar (esp for abel..sorry turtle!!!)
- the greatest injustice in this world today is Palestine
- zionism is part of imperialism. and you need to kill zionism in order to kill imperialism
- Israel is above the law like no other land is
- we cannot liberate people if the liberation movement itself is divided
yes. i took some notes. i have bad memory!
Tun's speech was not as intense as Chandra's. he urged us to boycott israeli and american products. not because it would be effective in dampening their economy, but because it is morally right. He said doing this would simbolize the beginning of a struggle. if the struggle must go on for another 60 years, then it will - until justice is done.
something about drinking coke is like drinking the blood of the palestinians. i have stopped btw.
it was overwhelming to see the crowd. especially since it was composed of people from literally all walks of life. all there for one thing. to help in any way in stopping the injustice that is palestine.
prof Latiff says - dont do nothing.
the pamphlet distributing was definitely interesting. met people who didnt have a clue about what was going on, but was eager to know what they could do when they knew. Then there was the guy who didnt want to aknowledge this situation as a humanitarian issue and was convinced he knew more than any of us because he was from the 'media'. he even went as far as to kutuk Mercy Malaysia by saying they were a picky bunch and was not fair in choosing places to help. i wanted to ask him what he was doing about anything besides complaining and looking for faults in all the things well-meaning people were doing, but that could have turned into a fight, and he was much bigger than me, so i decided to concentrate my energy on the people who had a concsience. there was the Bosnian girl and Pakistani guy who wanted to donate but didnt know how or where. the palestinian guy who expressed his gratitude for what Malaysians were doing. (though not much at all). his wife was in Gaza. ( i didnt ask wether he knew if she was still alive, i myself was afraid of the answer)
all in all, it was an eye-opening experience and i wish i could do more.
dont say we cant do anything. there is always something we can do. some suggestions from the pamphlet.
1) educate yourself - find out the realities of the situation. get your facts right, diversify your sources of information.
2) be involved! - participate in events, campaigns and workshops. be proactive.
3) spread the word - tell a friend,blog about it, put it up on facebook or write to the media.
4) support the cause - donate generously towards the Palestinian cause
5) most importantly - KEEP THEM IN YOUR THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS.
insyaAllah, everything will turn out for the better.
btw, i hate speaking in public and i hope everyone will stop thinking im just kidding.
on a lighter note - happy hols! sorry i may not be reachable for 1 week due to the lil one we call red. :D
Monday, January 12, 2009
Article by an Israeli Journalist
NEARLY SEVENTY YEARS ago, in the course of World War II, a heinous crime was committed in the city of Leningrad. For more than a thousand days, a gang of extremists called "the Red Army" held the millions of the town's inhabitants hostage and provoked retaliation from the German Wehrmacht from inside the population centers. The Germans had no alternative but to bomb and shell the population and to impose a total blockade, which caused the death of hundreds of thousands.
Some time before that, a similar crime was committed in England. The Churchill gang hid among the population of London, misusing the millions of citizens as a human shield. The Germans were compelled to send their Luftwaffe and reluctantly reduce the city to ruins. They called it the Blitz.
This is the description that would now appear in the history books – if the Germans had won the war.
Absurd? No more than the daily descriptions in our media, which are being repeated ad nauseam: the Hamas terrorists use the inhabitants of Gaza as "hostages" and exploit the women and children as "human shields", they leave us no alternative but to carry out massive bombardments, in which, to our deep sorrow, thousands of women, children and unarmed men are killed and injured.
IN THIS WAR, as in any modern war, propaganda plays a major role. The disparity between the forces, between the Israeli army - with its airplanes, gunships, drones, warships, artillery and tanks - and the few thousand lightly armed Hamas fighters, is one to a thousand, perhaps one to a million. In the political arena the gap between them is even wider. But in the propaganda war, the gap is almost infinite.
Almost all the Western media initially repeated the official Israeli propaganda line. They almost entirely ignored the Palestinian side of the story, not to mention the daily demonstrations of the Israeli peace camp. The rationale of the Israeli government ("The state must defend its citizens against the Qassam rockets") has been accepted as the whole truth. The view from the other side, that the Qassams are a retaliation for the siege that starves the one and a half million inhabitants of the Gaza Strip, was not mentioned at all.
Only when the horrible scenes from Gaza started to appear on Western TV screens, did world public opinion gradually begin to change.
True, Western and Israeli TV channels showed only a tiny fraction of the dreadful events that appear 24 hours every day on Aljazeera's Arabic channel, but one picture of a dead baby in the arms of its terrified father is more powerful than a thousand elegantly constructed sentences from the Israeli army spokesman. And that is what is decisive, in the end.
War – every war – is the realm of lies. Whether called propaganda or psychological warfare, everybody accepts that it is right to lie for one's country. Anyone who speaks the truth runs the risk of being branded a traitor.
The trouble is that propaganda is most convincing for the propagandist himself. And after you convince yourself that a lie is the truth and falsification reality, you can no longer make rational decisions.
An example of this process surrounds the most shocking atrocity of this war so far: the shelling of the UN Fakhura school in Jabaliya refugee camp.
Immediately after the incident became known throughout the world, the army "revealed" that Hamas fighters had been firing mortars from near the school entrance. As proof they released an aerial photo which indeed showed the school and the mortar. But within a short time the official army liar had to admit that the photo was more than a year old. In brief: a falsification.
Later the official liar claimed that "our soldiers were shot at from inside the school". Barely a day passed before the army had to admit to UN personnel that that was a lie, too. Nobody had shot from inside the school, no Hamas fighters were inside the school, which was full of terrified refugees.
But the admission made hardly any difference anymore. By that time, the Israeli public was completely convinced that "they shot from inside the school", and TV announcers stated this as a simple fact.
So it went with the other atrocities. Every baby metamorphosed, in the act of dying, into a Hamas terrorist. Every bombed mosque instantly became a Hamas base, every apartment building an arms cache, every school a terror command post, every civilian government building a "symbol of Hamas rule". Thus the Israeli army retained its purity as the "most moral army in the world".
THE TRUTH is that the atrocities are a direct result of the war plan. This reflects the personality of Ehud Barak – a man whose way of thinking and actions are clear evidence of what is called "moral insanity", a sociopathic disorder.
The real aim (apart from gaining seats in the coming elections) is to terminate the rule of Hamas in the Gaza Strip. In the imagination of the planners, Hamas is an invader which has gained control of a foreign country. The reality is, of course, entirely different.
The Hamas movement won the majority of the votes in the eminently democratic elections that took place in the West Bank, East Jerusalem and the Gaza Strip. It won because the Palestinians had come to the conclusion that Fatah's peaceful approach had gained precisely nothing from Israel - neither a freeze of the settlements, nor release of the prisoners, nor any significant steps toward ending the occupation and creating the Palestinian state. Hamas is deeply rooted in the population – not only as a resistance movement fighting the foreign occupier, like the Irgun and the Stern Group in the past – but also as a political and religious body that provides social, educational and medical services.
From the point of view of the population, the Hamas fighters are not a foreign body, but the sons of every family in the Strip and the other Palestinian regions. They do not "hide behind the population", the population views them as their only defenders.
Therefore, the whole operation is based on erroneous assumptions. Turning life into living hell does not cause the population to rise up against Hamas, but on the contrary, it unites behind Hamas and reinforces its determination not to surrender. The population of Leningrad did not rise up against Stalin, any more than the Londoners rose up against Churchill.
He who gives the order for such a war with such methods in a densely populated area knows that it will cause dreadful slaughter of civilians. Apparently that did not touch him. Or he believed that "they will change their ways" and "it will sear their consciousness", so that in future they will not dare to resist Israel.
A top priority for the planners was the need to minimize casualties among the soldiers, knowing that the mood of a large part of the pro-war public would change if reports of such casualties came in. That is what happened in Lebanon Wars I and II.
This consideration played an especially important role because the entire war is a part of the election campaign. Ehud Barak, who gained in the polls in the first days of the war, knew that his ratings would collapse if pictures of dead soldiers filled the TV screens.
Therefore, a new doctrine was applied: to avoid losses among our soldiers by the total destruction of everything in their path. The planners were not only ready to kill 80 Palestinians to save one Israeli soldier, as has happened, but also 800. The avoidance of casualties on our side is the overriding commandment, which is causing record numbers of civilian casualties on the other side.
That means the conscious choice of an especially cruel kind of warfare – and that has been its Achilles heel.
A person without imagination, like Barak (his election slogan: "Not a Nice Guy, but a Leader") cannot imagine how decent people around the world react to actions like the killing of whole extended families, the destruction of houses over the heads of their inhabitants, the rows of boys and girls in white shrouds ready for burial, the reports about people bleeding to death over days because ambulances are not allowed to reach them, the killing of doctors and medics on their way to save lives, the killing of UN drivers bringing in food. The pictures of the hospitals, with the dead, the dying and the injured lying together on the floor for lack of space, have shocked the world. No argument has any force next to an image of a wounded little girl lying on the floor, twisting with pain and crying out: "Mama! Mama!"
The planners thought that they could stop the world from seeing these images by forcibly preventing press coverage. The Israeli journalists, to their shame, agreed to be satisfied with the reports and photos provided by the Army Spokesman, as if they were authentic news, while they themselves remained miles away from the events. Foreign journalists were not allowed in either, until they protested and were taken for quick tours in selected and supervised groups. But in a modern war, such a sterile manufactured view cannot completely exclude all others – the cameras are inside the strip, in the middle of the hell, and cannot be controlled. Aljazeera broadcasts the pictures around the clock and reaches every home.
THE BATTLE for the TV screen is one of the decisive battles of the war. Hundreds of millions of Arabs from Mauritania to Iraq, more than a billion Muslims from Nigeria to Indonesia see the pictures and are horrified. This has a strong impact on the war. Many of the viewers see the rulers of Egypt, Jordan and the Palestinian Authority as collaborators with Israel in carrying out these atrocities against their Palestinian brothers.
The security services of the Arab regimes are registering a dangerous ferment among the peoples. Hosny Mubarak, the most exposed Arab leader because of his closing of the Rafah crossing in the face of terrified refugees, started to pressure the decision-makers in Washington, who until that time had blocked all calls for a cease-fire. These began to understand the menace to vital American interests in the Arab world and suddenly changed their attitude – causing consternation among the complacent Israeli diplomats.
People with moral insanity cannot really understand the motives of normal people and must guess their reactions. "How many divisions has the Pope?" Stalin sneered. "How many divisions have people of conscience?" Ehud Barak may well be asking.
As it turns out, they do have some. Not numerous. Not very quick to react. Not very strong and organized. But at a certain moment, when the atrocities overflow and masses of protesters come together, that can decide a war.
THE FAILURE to grasp the nature of Hamas has caused a failure to grasp the predictable results. Not only is Israel unable to win the war, Hamas cannot lose it.
Even if the Israeli army were to succeed in killing every Hamas fighter to the last man, even then Hamas would win. The Hamas fighters would be seen as the paragons of the Arab nation, the heroes of the Palestinian people, models for emulation by every youngster in the Arab world. The West Bank would fall into the hands of Hamas like a ripe fruit, Fatah would drown in a sea of contempt, the Arab regimes would be threatened with collapse.
If the war ends with Hamas still standing, bloodied but unvanquished, in the face of the mighty Israeli military machine, it will look like a fantastic victory, a victory of mind over matter.
What will be seared into the consciousness of the world will be the image of Israel as a blood-stained monster, ready at any moment to commit war crimes and not prepared to abide by any moral restraints. This will have severe consequences for our long-term future, our standing in the world, our chance of achieving peace and quiet.
In the end, this war is a crime against ourselves too, a crime against the State of Israel.
__________________________________________________
(Uri Avnery is an Israeli journalist, peace activist, former member of the Knesset, and leader of Gush Shalom. He is a regular contributor to Media Monitors Network (MMN).)
Some time before that, a similar crime was committed in England. The Churchill gang hid among the population of London, misusing the millions of citizens as a human shield. The Germans were compelled to send their Luftwaffe and reluctantly reduce the city to ruins. They called it the Blitz.
This is the description that would now appear in the history books – if the Germans had won the war.
Absurd? No more than the daily descriptions in our media, which are being repeated ad nauseam: the Hamas terrorists use the inhabitants of Gaza as "hostages" and exploit the women and children as "human shields", they leave us no alternative but to carry out massive bombardments, in which, to our deep sorrow, thousands of women, children and unarmed men are killed and injured.
IN THIS WAR, as in any modern war, propaganda plays a major role. The disparity between the forces, between the Israeli army - with its airplanes, gunships, drones, warships, artillery and tanks - and the few thousand lightly armed Hamas fighters, is one to a thousand, perhaps one to a million. In the political arena the gap between them is even wider. But in the propaganda war, the gap is almost infinite.
Almost all the Western media initially repeated the official Israeli propaganda line. They almost entirely ignored the Palestinian side of the story, not to mention the daily demonstrations of the Israeli peace camp. The rationale of the Israeli government ("The state must defend its citizens against the Qassam rockets") has been accepted as the whole truth. The view from the other side, that the Qassams are a retaliation for the siege that starves the one and a half million inhabitants of the Gaza Strip, was not mentioned at all.
Only when the horrible scenes from Gaza started to appear on Western TV screens, did world public opinion gradually begin to change.
True, Western and Israeli TV channels showed only a tiny fraction of the dreadful events that appear 24 hours every day on Aljazeera's Arabic channel, but one picture of a dead baby in the arms of its terrified father is more powerful than a thousand elegantly constructed sentences from the Israeli army spokesman. And that is what is decisive, in the end.
War – every war – is the realm of lies. Whether called propaganda or psychological warfare, everybody accepts that it is right to lie for one's country. Anyone who speaks the truth runs the risk of being branded a traitor.
The trouble is that propaganda is most convincing for the propagandist himself. And after you convince yourself that a lie is the truth and falsification reality, you can no longer make rational decisions.
An example of this process surrounds the most shocking atrocity of this war so far: the shelling of the UN Fakhura school in Jabaliya refugee camp.
Immediately after the incident became known throughout the world, the army "revealed" that Hamas fighters had been firing mortars from near the school entrance. As proof they released an aerial photo which indeed showed the school and the mortar. But within a short time the official army liar had to admit that the photo was more than a year old. In brief: a falsification.
Later the official liar claimed that "our soldiers were shot at from inside the school". Barely a day passed before the army had to admit to UN personnel that that was a lie, too. Nobody had shot from inside the school, no Hamas fighters were inside the school, which was full of terrified refugees.
But the admission made hardly any difference anymore. By that time, the Israeli public was completely convinced that "they shot from inside the school", and TV announcers stated this as a simple fact.
So it went with the other atrocities. Every baby metamorphosed, in the act of dying, into a Hamas terrorist. Every bombed mosque instantly became a Hamas base, every apartment building an arms cache, every school a terror command post, every civilian government building a "symbol of Hamas rule". Thus the Israeli army retained its purity as the "most moral army in the world".
THE TRUTH is that the atrocities are a direct result of the war plan. This reflects the personality of Ehud Barak – a man whose way of thinking and actions are clear evidence of what is called "moral insanity", a sociopathic disorder.
The real aim (apart from gaining seats in the coming elections) is to terminate the rule of Hamas in the Gaza Strip. In the imagination of the planners, Hamas is an invader which has gained control of a foreign country. The reality is, of course, entirely different.
The Hamas movement won the majority of the votes in the eminently democratic elections that took place in the West Bank, East Jerusalem and the Gaza Strip. It won because the Palestinians had come to the conclusion that Fatah's peaceful approach had gained precisely nothing from Israel - neither a freeze of the settlements, nor release of the prisoners, nor any significant steps toward ending the occupation and creating the Palestinian state. Hamas is deeply rooted in the population – not only as a resistance movement fighting the foreign occupier, like the Irgun and the Stern Group in the past – but also as a political and religious body that provides social, educational and medical services.
From the point of view of the population, the Hamas fighters are not a foreign body, but the sons of every family in the Strip and the other Palestinian regions. They do not "hide behind the population", the population views them as their only defenders.
Therefore, the whole operation is based on erroneous assumptions. Turning life into living hell does not cause the population to rise up against Hamas, but on the contrary, it unites behind Hamas and reinforces its determination not to surrender. The population of Leningrad did not rise up against Stalin, any more than the Londoners rose up against Churchill.
He who gives the order for such a war with such methods in a densely populated area knows that it will cause dreadful slaughter of civilians. Apparently that did not touch him. Or he believed that "they will change their ways" and "it will sear their consciousness", so that in future they will not dare to resist Israel.
A top priority for the planners was the need to minimize casualties among the soldiers, knowing that the mood of a large part of the pro-war public would change if reports of such casualties came in. That is what happened in Lebanon Wars I and II.
This consideration played an especially important role because the entire war is a part of the election campaign. Ehud Barak, who gained in the polls in the first days of the war, knew that his ratings would collapse if pictures of dead soldiers filled the TV screens.
Therefore, a new doctrine was applied: to avoid losses among our soldiers by the total destruction of everything in their path. The planners were not only ready to kill 80 Palestinians to save one Israeli soldier, as has happened, but also 800. The avoidance of casualties on our side is the overriding commandment, which is causing record numbers of civilian casualties on the other side.
That means the conscious choice of an especially cruel kind of warfare – and that has been its Achilles heel.
A person without imagination, like Barak (his election slogan: "Not a Nice Guy, but a Leader") cannot imagine how decent people around the world react to actions like the killing of whole extended families, the destruction of houses over the heads of their inhabitants, the rows of boys and girls in white shrouds ready for burial, the reports about people bleeding to death over days because ambulances are not allowed to reach them, the killing of doctors and medics on their way to save lives, the killing of UN drivers bringing in food. The pictures of the hospitals, with the dead, the dying and the injured lying together on the floor for lack of space, have shocked the world. No argument has any force next to an image of a wounded little girl lying on the floor, twisting with pain and crying out: "Mama! Mama!"
The planners thought that they could stop the world from seeing these images by forcibly preventing press coverage. The Israeli journalists, to their shame, agreed to be satisfied with the reports and photos provided by the Army Spokesman, as if they were authentic news, while they themselves remained miles away from the events. Foreign journalists were not allowed in either, until they protested and were taken for quick tours in selected and supervised groups. But in a modern war, such a sterile manufactured view cannot completely exclude all others – the cameras are inside the strip, in the middle of the hell, and cannot be controlled. Aljazeera broadcasts the pictures around the clock and reaches every home.
THE BATTLE for the TV screen is one of the decisive battles of the war. Hundreds of millions of Arabs from Mauritania to Iraq, more than a billion Muslims from Nigeria to Indonesia see the pictures and are horrified. This has a strong impact on the war. Many of the viewers see the rulers of Egypt, Jordan and the Palestinian Authority as collaborators with Israel in carrying out these atrocities against their Palestinian brothers.
The security services of the Arab regimes are registering a dangerous ferment among the peoples. Hosny Mubarak, the most exposed Arab leader because of his closing of the Rafah crossing in the face of terrified refugees, started to pressure the decision-makers in Washington, who until that time had blocked all calls for a cease-fire. These began to understand the menace to vital American interests in the Arab world and suddenly changed their attitude – causing consternation among the complacent Israeli diplomats.
People with moral insanity cannot really understand the motives of normal people and must guess their reactions. "How many divisions has the Pope?" Stalin sneered. "How many divisions have people of conscience?" Ehud Barak may well be asking.
As it turns out, they do have some. Not numerous. Not very quick to react. Not very strong and organized. But at a certain moment, when the atrocities overflow and masses of protesters come together, that can decide a war.
THE FAILURE to grasp the nature of Hamas has caused a failure to grasp the predictable results. Not only is Israel unable to win the war, Hamas cannot lose it.
Even if the Israeli army were to succeed in killing every Hamas fighter to the last man, even then Hamas would win. The Hamas fighters would be seen as the paragons of the Arab nation, the heroes of the Palestinian people, models for emulation by every youngster in the Arab world. The West Bank would fall into the hands of Hamas like a ripe fruit, Fatah would drown in a sea of contempt, the Arab regimes would be threatened with collapse.
If the war ends with Hamas still standing, bloodied but unvanquished, in the face of the mighty Israeli military machine, it will look like a fantastic victory, a victory of mind over matter.
What will be seared into the consciousness of the world will be the image of Israel as a blood-stained monster, ready at any moment to commit war crimes and not prepared to abide by any moral restraints. This will have severe consequences for our long-term future, our standing in the world, our chance of achieving peace and quiet.
In the end, this war is a crime against ourselves too, a crime against the State of Israel.
__________________________________________________
(Uri Avnery is an Israeli journalist, peace activist, former member of the Knesset, and leader of Gush Shalom. He is a regular contributor to Media Monitors Network (MMN).)
Friday, December 19, 2008
tanfeychoo
i've just realized that im always in the mood to write when im suppose to be studying. surprise surprise.
its 12.58 am, i have an exam 2mrw, and i havent rily started studying. just been reading what interests me heh. thanks to nab who said the exam is gonna be easy. and this runny nose is not helping. and the internet just seems to be calling out to me tonight. and i keep looking at Red's pics and watching the videos over and over and over again.
so far, classes with Prof Hatta have been greaaatt. i could listen to his stories all day :) and the topics are interesting cause i dont have to use my brain much. and i actually enjoy reading that huge book on psychology and its definitely something i would read for leisure. heh.
oh, it is confirmed that i do not have a disorder. i am not paranoid. but i do have slight traits. slight je. ;p but once i open that 'paranoia jar', its a little hard to put the lid back on. sigh. my thoughts can get a little out of control sometimes. oh well.
i miss red. i am homesick.
its 12.58 am, i have an exam 2mrw, and i havent rily started studying. just been reading what interests me heh. thanks to nab who said the exam is gonna be easy. and this runny nose is not helping. and the internet just seems to be calling out to me tonight. and i keep looking at Red's pics and watching the videos over and over and over again.
so far, classes with Prof Hatta have been greaaatt. i could listen to his stories all day :) and the topics are interesting cause i dont have to use my brain much. and i actually enjoy reading that huge book on psychology and its definitely something i would read for leisure. heh.
oh, it is confirmed that i do not have a disorder. i am not paranoid. but i do have slight traits. slight je. ;p but once i open that 'paranoia jar', its a little hard to put the lid back on. sigh. my thoughts can get a little out of control sometimes. oh well.
i miss red. i am homesick.
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