tanfeychoo

i've just realized that im always in the mood to write when im suppose to be studying. surprise surprise.

its 12.58 am, i have an exam 2mrw, and i havent rily started studying. just been reading what interests me heh. thanks to nab who said the exam is gonna be easy. and this runny nose is not helping. and the internet just seems to be calling out to me tonight. and i keep looking at Red's pics and watching the videos over and over and over again.

so far, classes with Prof Hatta have been greaaatt. i could listen to his stories all day :) and the topics are interesting cause i dont have to use my brain much. and i actually enjoy reading that huge book on psychology and its definitely something i would read for leisure. heh.

oh, it is confirmed that i do not have a disorder. i am not paranoid. but i do have slight traits. slight je. ;p but once i open that 'paranoia jar', its a little hard to put the lid back on. sigh. my thoughts can get a little out of control sometimes. oh well.

i miss red. i am homesick.

chanchumei

haematology is a silent killer. creeping up on you, disguised in all the beautiful sights you see under the microscope. tricking you into believing that a course with 3 credits should be easier than the ones with 4 or 5.

saya tidak begitu gemar dgn darah-logy. kamu?

nevertheless, i am constantly amazed at God's creation. How something that is so so sooo tiny as a red blood cell can be sooo crucial to human life. dont get me started on the platelets and the army of white blood cells and the macrophages. and oh! the coagulation cascade! gile kude.

if only being gile-ly amazed was all you need to ace this block. haih..

sometimes i wish i didnt have to care so much about things 'not worth caring about'.
takes up too much of my time. taking up my precious blood-studying time (as if).

oh, btw, dont forget to vote for Nab! & Sara! & Harith! & kak Tim! & Shashu! & Faizal! & Atuk! & Azra! & Zati! :)

lets embrace the philosophy! ;)

i have decided not to hate the person i've been hating. its a waste of energy and its making me a little busuk inside.and i dont think its benefiting me in any way.tambah dose adalah. i am officially not hating anyone anymore. yay.

dengan ini, saya membubarkan club benci ________(insert name) ;p

to club members, jom bukak new club! :)

majulah sukan demi Tuhan! =)

i keep quoting prof Hatta nowadays. heh

this sports carnival is off to a great start i think! =)

contrary to what you might think, its not because red house is winning most of our matches ;p

winning feels great of course. but whats better than winning is the feeling you get after a good match where everyone plays clean and fair. when everyone in the team gets to play, even the reserves. when people remember that the main objective of the sports carnival is to get all us cucmsians to bond, strengthen our ukhwah, and sweat like mad! and of course, cheering like crazy. i love how our super seniors who are super busy off in clinicals still come down for the matches and give their all. its times like these only do we get to meet and be silly,kan =) and also the foundys who we rarely get to mingle with. =)

then after the game, we can just laugh off the kicks and punches to the stomach. (perutku sangat sakit)

team spirit! =)

my heart is still racing. adrenaline is still going berserk. and i cant stop stuffing trix in my mouth.
eventhough my knee had little stones stuck to it yesterday, my stomach was mistaken for a punching bag for while, and the soles of my shoes are peeling of, i had loads of fun!!

looking forward to more! insyaAllah ;)

prof hatta ajar

"Mengapa kamu suruh orang lain mengerjakan kebajikan, sedang kamu melupakan diri (kewajipan) kamu sendiri, padahal kamu membaca Al-Kitab? Maka tidakkah kamu berfikir? "
[Al-Baqarah:44]

signs of stress

• no longer taking pleasure in activities that used to be enjoyable - reading doesnt seem to help anymore
• distracted by all that you have to do or that it's hard to keep track of little things , like where are my keys?- i keep forgetting where i park my car
  
• feeling on edge, frustrated or annoyed, having less patience - less patience, yess
  
• a change in eating habits, either eating more or less than usual- err, havent reached this stage yet
  
• sleeping more than usual (can't bring yourself to get out of bed) or having difficulty getting to sleep (too many things on your mind)- oh yes! i cant seem to get out of bed!
  
• being easily annoyed by simple problems or the way other people behave - somewhat, yes
  
• having normal emotions that are displayed to an extreme degree or for a prolonged period of time (e.g., fear, tearfulness, nervousness) - err, kind of
  
• marked changes in personality or mood- not really marked, but i can sense the changes
  
• listlessness, lack of energy- sgt lack!
  
• trouble concentrating or making decisions- i've always had trouble making decisions, so i guess not
  

i think my body is trying to tell me that its in stress. nak balik jb.
prof Hamdan kate - stress is self-inflicted.
Richard Carlson kate - stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness.

hahaha

very calming

very comel! =)

"And cover not Truth with falsehood, nor conceal the Truth when ye know (what it is)"
[Al-Baqarah:42]

Selamat hari raya, Maaf zahir & batin.

one thing to look forward to - viva putih open-house crashers gang makes a comeback!

chingching -ing

tonight is one of the nights i dont feel like studying (not at all rare), and dont feel like sleeping (very rare) been thinking about certain things. how i have been pretty occupied these past few months. and i havent been available to certain people i should have. sorry.

realization is the first step kn :)

i miss my mom's long emails - havent been emailing her much, asyik wat mcq je ;p
i miss talking to maya - she's busy all the time now. and when she's free, i think she deserves more time with her husband.
i miss my friends who live far away now - we only meet in college, for short intervals of time
i miss catching up with nab - she's busy nerding away ~ which is a good thing ;)
i miss raman - even further away
i miss my jumari jipans - cyber is too far away from civilization. and my holidays are not timed the same as theirs
i miss petiti - si tue cantek
i miss the narcissistic weirdo going thru menopause - i know u miss me too

cant wait to be home for raya ~ but i dont want Ramadhan to end.

countercurrent mechanism is confusing but damn interesting! my brain cells are going ching ching! ;)

A Ramadhan miracle ;))

sometimes God grants our wishes as soon as we ask for it. sometimes He postpones it a little while. sometimes He doesnt give it to us in this world. Sometimes He will 'gantikan dengan yang lebih baik'. All because He knows what we do not. He knows whats best for us. So do not despair if we do not get what we ask for. it proly wouldnt benefit us in any way. and i've learnt to not be too spesific in my doas. to ask for whats best for us is sufficent enough. insyaAllah.

yesterday i asked for an Ethan to go.
today i got 3 little 'ethans' =)
He 'gantikan dengan yang lebih baik'.. =))

to see pictures, go to nengneng's blog. =)

life really is full of ups and downs. ;)

"An Ethan to go pls,thank u"

its amazing what a good sleep, late night solitary prayers, a good cup of coffee, and watching little Ethan laugh on utube can do when you're not feeling so good.

Thank You God for the little pleasures in life that make a huge difference =)

"We find a delight in the beauty and happiness of children that makes the heart to big for the body" ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

loose screws

its been awhile since i last needed my 'la tahzan' book. sara thinks this endocrinology block is messing with my hormones. she might be right =p anyway, i opened the book and randomly picked a page to read. spot on!

DO NOT DESPAIR WHEN FACING TOUGH SITUATIONS

if u find yourself in a tough situation, do the following:

1. ask urself , what is the worst that can happen?
2. prepare urself to cope and to deal with that worst case scenario
3. if something bad does occur, meet it with calm nerves in order to deal with the situation better. the Quran guides us saying :

" those people (the believers) unto whom the people(the hypocrites) said : 'verily,the people(pagans) have gathered against you a great army, therefore fear them.' But it only increased the believers in Faith, and they said : 'Allah alone is sufficient for us, and He is the Best Disposer of affairs for us'. " [quran 3:173]

"and whoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out of every difficulty. And He will provide him from sources he never could imagine. And whoever puts his trust in Allah,then He will suffice him." [quran 65:2-3]

"Allah will grant after hardship~ ease" [quran 65:7]

i feel better already =)
Alhamdulillah

the trip - a synopsis

kelantan was nice. Perhentian was a blast! =D

the food was superb! :)))

though there were many glitches along the way, it was quite inevitable, no? an event as big as this. but i do agree that alot could have been avoided had there been more careful planning. but then again, everything happens for a reason. and insyaAllah the next time we organize something, it would go smoother. quite a few tense moments though. heh.

but all was forgotten once we saw the gorgeous sea. i was the jakun-est. (as usual) the only other island ive been to before was langkawi. and i dont rmbr it being great. i was too young kot. i just rmbr we visited mahsuri's grave and climbed the bukit telaga or something.

it was my first time on a speedboat. loved it! i'd trade in the kelisa for a speedboat anytime! =)
my first time snorkelling. best experience ever! cant even begin to describe it.
first time on a looooong bus ride. this is one i would not like to repeat if possible.heh.

learnt quite a few things along the way. learnt first hand, that in times of trouble, only can u see who ur true friends are. who will stick by u through the hardship, and who will slip away hoping to go unnoticed.

people like to blame others. its become a habit. something bad happens, and instead of helping each other, trying to find solutions, we search high and low for someone to blame. we say we're all brother's and sister's. we're one big family. but sometimes all we worry about is that our once harum name is being tarnished. that people might think that the 'kids' mistakes are a reflection of their older siblings.

i believe in productive criticism. im all for it. i also believe that theres a fine line between that and just plain criticism. its in the way you deliver your complaints. your intonation. your facial expression. and when you say ure just trying to help us be better people but your face and tone of voice does not show it, we dont believe you.

i hate conflicts. i try to avoid it the best i can. and i hate when people pick on the underdogs just because they can.

all in all ~ i had a great time!perhentian would not have been as great without the people i went with. its really not where we go, but who we go with that make a trip beautiful. and i know that even if it was just pantai lido that we went to, i'd still think it was the best trip ever! =) the only downside would be that there'd be no cute turtles to stalk. ;)

Never do I argue with a man with a desire to hear him say
what is wrong, or to expose him and win victory over him.
Whenever I face an opponent in debate I silently pray -
O Lord, help him so that truth may flow from his heart
and on his tongue, and so that if truth is on my side, he may follow me;
and if truth be on his side, I may follow him.
- Imam Ash-Shafi'

We must begin looking at each other as brothers and sisters...and not walking brochures. We must see each others strengths and encourage those strengths....We must see each others weaknesses and be patient with those weaknesses... sometimes even look beyond what we see as "weaknesses" and move on with compassion and love and respect. That takes true faith.
- Dawud Wharnsby Ali

a thousand words

i love photographs. they can make u smile, laugh and feel all warm and fuzzy inside. they can cause anxiety, tug at your heart strings and make u cry.

the power of a photograph can even bring u to kill urself. like the south african pulitzer prize winner, Kevin something. He won for capturing the photo of a vulture stalking a starving little girl in Sudan. the little girl was crawling towards a UN food camp. He was criticized for not helping her. and he couldnt live with himself after that.

looking at this picture just makes us want to smack ourselves doesnt it? we have so much yet want so much more. We sometimes forget to see the blessings from the smallest things we find in life to the biggest. lets remind ourselves of some of the blessings we sometimes manage to overlook. the love of our family,our friends. the ability to walk,talk,breathe. our health, clothes, a sturdy roof atop our heads. enough (sometimes too much?) food and water. u fill out the rest. =)

Then I will certainly come to them from before them and from behind them, and from their right-hand side and from their left-hand side; and Thou shalt not find most of them thankful. (7:17)

Therefore remember Me, I will remember you, and be thankful to Me, and do not be ungrateful to Me. (2:152)

old photos have the ability to bring u back in time. it can knock u over with a tsunami of emotions. i always get butterflies in my stomach when i look at my old high school pics. i laugh when i look at the crazy pics we took during foundation. and i always always feel blessed, having good friends with me all the time. Alhamdulillah. =)

and i love how a photo may change its meaning according to who is looking at it.

so here's a few of my favourite cute ones. hope they bring a smile to ur face as they did mine!

zaman-zaman kene cucuk BCG. i love the expression! this one made my mum laugh till she cried. =D

cuteness!

even they yang x berakal ni can work through their differences! it wouldnt hurt to learn from them kan =)

While there is perhaps a province in which the photograph can tell us nothing more than what we see with our own eyes, there is another in which it proves to us how little our eyes permit us to see.
-Dorothea Lange

What's really important

i read this in one of the chicken soup books this evening. and it made my day! =)

A few years ago at the Seattle Special Olympics, nine contestants, all physically or mentally disabled, assembled at the starting line for the 100-yard dash. At the gun they all started out, not exactly in a dash, but with the relish to run the race to the finish and to win.
All, that is, except one boy who stumbled on the asphalt, tumbled over a couple of times, and began to cry. The other 8 heard the boy cry. They slowed down and paused. Then they all turned around and went back. Every one of them. One girl with Down's syndrome bent down and kissed him and said, " this will make it better." Then all nine linked arms and walked together to the finish line.
Everyone in the stadium stood, and the cheering went on for 10 minutes.


ever wondered what we would do in the same situation?

of politics and children

i've never been fond of politics
i've never really kept up with all the hoohaas and haahoos
too many names to memorize, too many lies n scandals, too many 'they say's, too many things swept under the carpet, soooo many grey areas

but since i turned 21 , i realize my duty to vote in the next elections, so i have been paying attention to the on-goings in our political scene today. hoping that when the time comes, i can cast my vote confidently and wisely. insyaAllah..

but what im seeing is certainly not a pretty picture
in fact, its getting uglier by the minute!

so far, there is no one party i would gladly let rule this country.
i guess you could say im being idealistic - for wanting to have Malaysia ruled by people i can respect and look up to. some tell me its impossible to have a 'clean politician' these days. everyone plays dirty. some throw dirt at others. and instead of just smiling, dusting away the dirt and forgiving the person for their ignorance, they throw some dirt back. its a never-ending vicious cycle of backlashing and name-calling. in the end, everyone has a smudge or two on them. its like a freaking kindergarten yard where the kids are out of control.
so what? because of that, we're suppose to settle for these kind of leaders? just because we think it's impossible to have one who has dignity and respect for others, we settle for someone who lies and cheats 'once in awhile' ? as long as he does his job??
just to clarify, i know there are some leaders who are not at all as what i described. (at least i hope so) they are the rare ones in our country today. its just sad, thats all. they are the minority.

i wonder sometimes where these people come from. and why they behave the way they do.
were they not taught right from wrong when they were children? did their parents forget to tell them that this world is temporary and everything we do here will determine how we'll end up in the next world?

i worked in a kindergarten before. i used to be the one greeting the kids when they arrived. and everytime the moms drop their kids of at the gate, they'll ramble a long list of do's and dont's to their kids

share your toys
dont fight
no name calling
dont throw sand at your friends
dont jump of the swing
smile
be friendly
always help your friends
listen to the teacher
respect the teachers ....
you know the rest

children have these instilled in them. all these good values. the problem is, actions speak louder than words. and we adults,well, we dont really practice what we preach most of the time.
and these children pick up on our actions. they see us being rude to others. they see us fighting all the time. name calling. face making. they see us not respecting each other.

we dont share our food with our neighbours, and we expect our children to share their toys
we dont treat our parents right, and we expect our children to listen to and respect us
know what i mean?

i have a feeling these crazy childish politicians were not shown a good example growing up. so im not going to put the blame entirely on them. cause i think deep down, they all have the capacity to be good, loving, respectful figures. they just might not know it. cos probably no one ever told them that. that, or they do know it, and just choose to not be it. now, that calls for a tight slap or two.

so what can we do to try and save our future? we should really start with ourselves. lets start respecting each other more regardless of beliefs or gender. start being nice to our neighbours of all races n creed. lets start treating our parents the way they should be treated. in short, lets start living life the way Allah tells us too. the way our Prophet SAW showed us. they way it is described in the Quran. then maybe, insyaAllah, our future leaders can be of better behaviour than the ones we see today.

ps ~ u guys can start laughing now.

beautiful

" My heavens and My earth cannot contain me,
but the hearts of My faithful servants can contain Me"
~ hadis Qudsi

simple.yet so meaningful,no? =)

rusting brain

wookay!

u know how i know i havent been layan-ing my blog for too long?
first,i forgot my blog address thing. i had to go to abel's blog and click on the link to mine. haha.
then, i forgot my username n password pulak. i had to try numerous times. at last, i remembered that i wrote the details in my old tattered notebook which took a few minutes to look for.

its not that i havent had anything to write about. God knows i have tons to comment on..its just that lately, i've been having a problem with words. they dont seem to come out as i want them too. and its frustrating really..not being able to spill out all thats piling up in my tiny brain. so im forcing myself to write now. bear with me. =)

holidays are coming to an end.

a part of me is excited to start 2nd year. start using my brain again. stop being an antisocial. stop sleeping excessively. i miss old town. i miss the lake where secrets spill out. i miss my sisters =) and im loving our new apartment. i love the new big bed! and the room is always2 cool. and i love all my new housemates. (yes,..all of them =p)

another part is dreading it. cause i love being home. although at times its boring. and i find myself wondering aimlessly around the house. looking for things to do. people to disturb. petiti is always the victim. since she's the only one i can carry. heh. i love the feeling of being close to my parents. and the never ending supply of fruits in the kitchen. i love the coffee at home. and i love saturday night visits to larkin.

if only i could merge these two beautiful worlds together. haihh..

oh! btw..im going to be adding a chatbox here soon. and im thinking of spicing up this page. adding more colour perhaps?
since someone said even people at wooden houses (loosely translated) have websites.
=p =p =p
but i actually like my clean page. simple. kan? but i will add that chatbox la. u just wait! =p

i'll think of more interesting topics to yap about later. durian time! =)

!!syadiloh <-- hehe (lame)

its 12.07 am and im typing this in a cybercafe in Damansara. Sumayah (=p)wants to catch up on mail and im just tagging along. a few emails i need to reply, but curently not in the mood.

IM ON HOLIDAY PEOPLE!! =DD

I've finished 1st year..finally..Alhamdulillah =) i have definitely learnt alot. im pretty sure i grew alot too..emotionally..physically? heh..and insyaAllah..spiritually.. one thing for sure, ive changed! for the better hopefully! those who knew me during our foundation days and today..can tell u how much ive changed. when i read back my old journals, or notes i jot down in my little notebooks i have loads of, i sometimes cannot believe that it was actually me who wrote down all those things. i used to bring notebooks around religiously, just to jot down an interesting thought, or funny sayings i hear, sometimes just weird ideas i have that i dont dare say out loud (people already think im crazy as it is). i havent done that in awhile cos i no longer bring bags around. but reading back my thoughts, i laugh at how naive i sounded. i wrote how i was angry with this one person. how i was so dissapointed with how my friend turned out to be. someone i trusted. i was probably the most trusting person 1 year ago. heh.

however, im still the same me in alot of ways. im still blur about things. i still think theres good in everyone. im still the hopeful self. still the slight-feminist (kadang2 la - come on la, i spent 11 years in an all girls school. our motto was girl power.what do u expect? =p) im still defensive when it comes to family and close friends. there was a coffee stain on one of the pages,so i guess that hasnt changed. and i still hate fish. oh, and i know im still naive about certain things.

i just dont really like how ive become more 'hard' than i was. i can see people killing stray dogs now. i'll curse them but i wont write to the papers. i'll say its not worth it. and i dont talk as passionately about the evill-ness of keeping birds in small cages or clipping the wings of flamingos so they wont fly away.

i guess we'll never cease to change. lets see what happens in a year =)

i'll have to start jotting down stuff again.

times nearly up. still got more to say.haih

watched the hulk ystrdy. it was good! sad sikit. kesian the hulk. people never took the time to understand him. people who create trouble are usually the troubled ones. and most of us are so busy judging and hating them to actually try and see their problems and help them. kan?

watched the happening gak. x best! hated the ending. it was kinda scary la at times. but the whole explanation was....blahhh...

people are smoking here. busuk gile. and my throats all itchy. second hand smoke kills! out we go!

rakan2!! selamat bercuti!! =)

now whos the fool

two tags in a row. this either means i've run out of ideas to post, my brain is too full of useless things to be thinking of something useful to write about, or that all my thoughts now are in no way suitable to be displayed here. hmm. oh well.

Name: Isabella Za'faran Aisyah Bte Hisham Bukhari
Sisters: 2
Brothers: 1
Shoe size: 6/7.
Height: 168 cm. btul x tipu!
Where do you live: JB!
Favourite drinks: coffee n limau ais n air kosong
Favourite breakfast: anything with roti, all the canai2, nasi goreng,mee hoon goreng, anything la actually.
Have you ever been on a plane: Yes. dulu2. i like planes. i like the small portions of evrything =)
Swam in the ocean: yep! i like! but x suke when the ikans get to near.
Fallen asleep in school: always =p
Broken someone's heart: hopefully no?
Fell off your chair: yep! main2 ngan ong smp jatuh. i think it was in standard 6.hehe. gile times.
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: err,no..mengapakh?
Saved e-mails: always. i love emails
What is your room like: lotsa books all around. lotsa pillows. radio. desk. em,tu je kot?
What's right beside you: bantal =)
What is the last thing you ate: cornetto esso! our new hangout! hah
Ever had chicken pox: yep!
Sore throat: yep
Stitches: nope
Broken nose: not yet
Do you believe in love at first sight: no such thing
Like picnics: love picnics! =)
Who was the last person you danced with: err..hmmm..?? syaz? haha
Last person made you smile: my mum yg comel. kutuk i, but in a funny way, so jadik klaka. haha
You last yelled at: wani. she's downstairs yelling at me back.heh.

Today did you:
Talk to someone you like: my frens, yep
Kissed anyone: nurul n sara yg pulang ke umah.
Get sick: nope
Talked to an ex: no exes to talk to la
Miss someone: yep, missing maya gile2!
Eat: of course!
Best feeling in the world: waking up after a good sleep =)
Do you sleep with stuffed animals: my stuffed duck chewy, sometimes.
What's under your bed: beg besar
Who do you really hate: the evil ones.

Randoms :
Q: Is there a person who is on your mind right now: maya. xleh call! urgh!
Q: Do you have any siblings: yep! a bunch of weird but lovable ppl =p
Q: Do you want children: one day soon, iA
Q: Do you smile often: x perasan la pulak.
Q: Do you like your hand-writing:yes, i quite like it
Q: Are your toenails painted: Nope
Q: Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in: anyones.as long as its sleepable. heh
Q: What colour shirt are you wearing: white
Q: What were you doing at 7:00pm yesterday: makan with my hommies.
Q: I can't wait till: im back in jb.
Q: When did you cry last: tuesday
Q: Are you a friendly person: to the ppl i like
Q: Do you have any pets: yepp!!

Where is the person you have feelings for right now? – haha xtau la. somewer around.
Did the last person you held hands with mean anything to you now? – haram!
Do you sleep with the TV on? – bole je. heh
What are you doing right now? – suppose to be reading reader's digest. tp terbace blog sara pule,
Have you ever crawled through a window? - yep! kene bukak pintu.hah
Can you handle the truth? – i want the truth!
Are you too forgiving? - sometimes i can be.
Are you closer to your mother or father? – Mak
Who was the last person you cried in front of? – i dont usually cry in front of ppl. oh, but long ago..sara n pink. haha. laughing n crying at the same time. hadoi. sara n pink were confused. crying cos i was sad my cat died, but laughing cos it was funny that i was crying about that in front of secret recipe mcm org mati laki. haha.confuse x? =p
How many people can you say you've really loved? – family, and my good frens. quite a number.
Do you eat healthy? – sgt tidak.heh
Do you still have pictures of you & your ex? - enggak ada la
Have you ever cried because of something someone said to you? – x kot.
If you're having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to? - i prefer to be alone.
Are you loud or quiet most of the time? – i senyap je slalu
Are you confident? - rily wish i am

5 things I was doing 10 years ago..
1/living with my aunty cos parents ulang alik kl
2/loving school
3/listening to stories of the adventures of raman
4/proly reading sweet valley
5/main ngan bon2!

5 things on my to-do list today
1/watch 300!
2/PBL - blaahhh
3/talk to bebel
4/ finish the digest
5/mandi lame2 since no one around

5 snacks I enjoy
1/super ring
2/cracs
3/choki2!
4/rocky yg strawberry
5/nini cokelat celup ~ celup celup!

5 things I would do if I was a billionaire
1/blanje my fam whatever they want
2/yg lain pk bile dah dpt =)

5 of my bad habits
1/buying clothes for babies that dont exist yet
2/lipat sampul2 gule2 mcm kapal~ive nearly kicked this one though =)
3/laughing at my own thoughts. org igt gile. doctor xle gile
4/reading useless stuff in magazines just because i dont wanna study
5/keeping junk for memories. not good. too much junk.

5 jobs I've had
1/student?
2/cikgu tadika
3/nanny tanpa bayaran
4/food taster ~ fired cos evrything tasted good to me
5/scientist assistant to a mad child scientist yg kurung lalat dlm umah lego nk tgk bile die mati. sadistic i know.

mangsa i tag
1/pinkooo
2/ elly belly
3/ zubeqqq
4/ kak ina!
5/ hmm..?

gile membazir mase. k la,,,,pbl time y'all!

me time

tagged by abebel =)

Soalannye berbentuk begini:

Currently -on the bed, was reading a gud book
Playing - paolo nutini
pending- mandi!
What's new? –hmmm..nothings new!
Real name – Isabella Za'faran Aisyah bte Hisham Bukhari (amik ko)
Nickname - faran, tosh,lembu, kigges,babun,za'
Married - yes
High school - SIGS! =)
Are you a health freak? - hahahah sgt tidak! im just a freak
Do you have a crush on someone? – always with the crushes =p
Do you like yourself? - most of the time yes. hah

First
Surgery - tikus putih yg xperlu dibunuh sebnrnye. hated it.
Person you see in the morning - sara..on the way to the toilet
Award –tulisan jawi! hahaha darjah 1.

Sports you join in – love netball, but havent been playing, due to sum circumstances.haih. badminton,handball!,swimming, i love track,but none of that since matrix
vacation- nak gi maldives! but i'll settle for anywer in msia. ideally wud just be me and a great friend, backpacking, lepaking on the beaches with a good book, looking for cheap and good food. taking loads of pics and having great conversations =)
Concert - never been to one.nak gi theater!
Drink - feel like coffee
I'm about to – take a bath? heh

Your future
Want kids - yes,pls =)
Want to get married – i guess u have to in order for the kids to come right. heh.
Careers in mind – peaditrician insyaAllah. a soccer mom! heh. but thats still pending la. might not even specialize. we'll see

..Which is better?
Lips or Eyes - theres something in the eyes
Hugs or Kisses - Hugs! =)
Shorter or Taller - x kisah.
Romantic or Spontaneous - A bit of both?
Sensitive or Loud – loud but sensitive.kehkeh
Troublemaker or Hesitant? - Hesitant

Have you ever
Kissed a stranger – err,no?
Drank bubbles - i love buih! esp on teh tariks =)
Carbonated drink- duhh
Ran away from home - what for? i love my home!
Liked someone younger – emm..nope. dont think so
Broke someone's heart - hmm..hope not?
Been arrested - never! my records clean =p
Cried when someone died – of cos.

Do you believe in
Yourself – most of the time. haha. sometimes i dissapoint myself though.
Miracles – Yes =)
Magic – yep. black magic and all that.
Angels - yep! =)
Is there someone you want to be with right now? – yes.

lets rebel!

i've just realized tonight that im living up to the 'no life' motto of med students. books,scls,classes,discussions,meetings, and more books. i can feel it take a toll on me, and everyone around me for that matter. i've been sleeping on my Robbin's book 2 nights in a row! which means i havent been having my daily dose of fictional reading to feed my imagination before i sleep. i still havent finished 'the reluctant fundamentalist', which is so nipis, it should have been done in a night. shame on me. what a geek! but i refuse to falter in my belief that med students can still score and have fun at the same time! at least not CUCMS med students. ok la,not score exactly, just..not fail la. heh. so tonight i shall start! memberontak!

im supposed to be preparing for the 3 classes of prof rashid 2mrw. i finished my part for the scl, and ive decided not to read the rest. tonight i'll treat myself to a night of coffee and fun books. read: FUN books. (eventhough i love robbin's cause of all the colours, its definitely not included in the FUN books list tonight)

digging my own grave, u say? oh heck! so be it! =p

join me? =)

practicing my SAQ answering skills

i was tagged by elly! hahaha this is gonna be weird i think. but its 3 am, and this is way better than embryology!

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
- honestly, i dont know. i guess it depends on the kind of betrayal kot

2. What will you do if you do not share the same feelings as the person who likes you?
- tell him. or her. ;p

3. What will your dream wedding be like?
- sweet n simple. with only our family n close friends. and all my(our?) favourite food!
good food+ good company = happy faran ;)

4. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?
- confused? no kot. more like curious. and in anticipation

5. What's your ideal lover like?
- ideally, the list can go on. and on. but i'l settle for a family guy yg beriman. heh.hopefully he can make me laugh as well =) i prefer the word partner instead of lover btw.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone else?
- being loved by the person u love is best! (x menjawab soalan. i know ;p nnt kene marah ngan prof rashid. heh)

7.If the person you like does not accept you, would you continue to wait for them to change their feelings?
- hmm..im not sure. depends on how much i like him i guess. and how worth it he is.

8. Is there anything that has made you unhappy recently?
- lalalala

9. What do you want most in life?
- anything that can lead to a better hereafter, InsyaAllah

10. Is being tagged fun?
- err, weird question. i wasnt sure at first what being tagged meant. kene tanye org. haha

11. If you find out that your best friend is going out with your boyfriend/girlfriend, how would you react?
- going out as in dating ke? that wouldnt happen with my bestfren la.

12. Who is currently the most important person to you?
- ibuku

13.What kind of person do you think I am?
- elly? sweet,very very nice, and strong =)

14. What is the most unforgettable thing/event in your life?
- err. kantoi matrix! will never forget the day i got my results thru sms. i could only laugh at the horrendous sight

15.If the person you secretly like cannot recognise you, what would you do/how would you react?
- x mungkin dr ahmed x recognize i! i spent a whole afternoon being his fake patient! i sanggup act like i had SLE for him! ;p

16. Would you give your all in a relationship?
- i'd like to think i would. when the time comes of course.

17.If you fall in love with two persons simultaneously, who would you pick?
- hmm..i dont think its possible for me to 'fall' in love with 2 people at the same time. its hard enough falling in love with 1 person.

haha! nampak sgt xde keje! ( ade byk sbnrnye)

k, im tagging this people. you guys kene buat jugak! tau! babab!

1. sara! hahahahhahaha wajib!
2. abel! heheheh i know u will..=)
3. pinkipoooooo ..pls?hehe
4. niza! do it niza! wow us with ur lame-A plus-SAQ answrs.
5. ong bong! when ure free. i know ure busy joget-ing nowadays :)

infundibulum

its only been a week since we came back from the long awaited break. and yet so many many things have happened. im still trying to get over how things can turn 180 degrees just like that. no warning yo! huh. maybe i expected to much.but i guess, whats life without a few surprises eh? not good for the heart though. SAN rhythm interrupted.

i think i might just take up pricking people as a hobby. can? i love changing the needles and the smell of the alcohol swabs. weird?

i wish ppl would try and put themselves in other ppl's shoes before they say or do certain things. i forget sometimes. i guess u tend to forget and not really care when u're happy. not right disitu.

dr norhin said a few funny things regarding marriage the other day. and today sara came back from agama, (which she probably only attended for half an hour =p ) and said something even funnier about being married! hahahaha. dont really feel like getting married at this point. but ask me again 2mrw, my moods change faster than moja can shout kigges! ;p

Some day I'll wish upon a star

And wake up where the clouds are far behind me

Where troubles melt like lemondrops

Away above the chimney tops

That's where you'll find me

lets go somewhere over the rainbow!! convoy!! =)

things i hutang kat orang

- hazelnut n ice cream toast n lotsa news

- sluar pasar mlm

i x lupe! nantikan lah! =]

hazelnut coffee anyone?

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on
Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on

'Cause everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on

Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
Everybody hurts. You are not alone

nothing to do with how i feel right now. just love this song. =) should have been in the earlier posts ;)

i like rem.

ps- mr b, cant find what ur looking for. everythings annoyingly overpriced! i refuse to give in to the well-dressed-society-accepted sharks. i might have to search for it in putra je nanti k. might have better luck at the pasar mlm..boleh kan? =)

leaving u guys with this beautiful saying an elderly relative i hardly knew before related to me today. she wrote it in one of my favourite books~

God allows us to experience the low points of life
to teach us lessons
we could not learn in any other way.
the way we learn these lessons
is not to deny the feelings
but to find the meanings underlying them.

hmm?

oh, i like this one
~ God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. kehkehkeh!

join me for a cup of hazelnut coffee? ;) missing u wackos already

infinitely estatico!

im flying high & happy!! =D

cos she's happy!! she SOO is!

i can hear the smile behind that voice! wish i could read her eyes but we're separated by an ocean.
oh well, not for long ;)

i love this feeling of happiness u get ~ tumpang-ing on someone else's. haha!

sahabatku, dun kill me when u read this post. couldnt help myself! ;p you noe i love u! hah!

some snippets for me & u =)

You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there
You've got a friend (in me!)

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melts into the ground
Found something true
And everyone's looking round
Thinking I'm going crazy
But nothing's greater
Than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I'm going crazy, maybe, maybe

Made room for me; but it's too soon to see
If I'm happy in your hands
I'm unusually hard to hold on to

kamu x gila. kamu bahagia.
saya juga bahagia bangat untukmu sahabat!

A friend is one before whom i may think aloud =)
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

thirty three

what the hell??

in less than 8 hours..i'll be having my respi finals.the block i kinda promised myself i would do much better in than musculo.. but i still have tons to read and NO mood.

whats up wit me??

i hate when someone has that effect on me. makes me feel weak. i hate that person. i dont really though. i cant even hate someone i wanna hate. how pathethic is that?! dont answer that.

my phone got barred. reality check? =p

listening to smashing pumpkins. not good. all the melancholiness. Sudais here i come!

Speak to me in a language I can hear
humour me before I have to go
Deep in thought I forgive everyone
Tomorrows just an excuse away

twix in the rain

heh, read my entry last night again. i rily let it out didnt i. it was all the not sleeping doin the talking. all the while i had that one person on my mind. things i so wanna say, but dont have the guts to..for fear of making his liver small (kecikkn hati). but im glad i got to say all that. i dont think i was fully concious of what i was doing. haha

however, the person i hope would read this, never will kot.

oh well.

out of the bag

its 6 am and im all messed up

no,its only 3 am, and im not messed up. that was a line from a song i like. can u tell im bored?

cant sleep. my eyes are closing down but my brains going full speed. lotsa things running thru.

a good fren of my sister killed himself recently. tragic. he's been depressed for quite awhile. but it was a slow process. started with the family probs. parents abondaning him. turned to alcohol. he has great friends,but even frens cant replace ur family. eventually all his frens had their own lives. they checked on him all the time. but then again, in his head, he had nobody. =( he didnt have religion. and that is the one most important thing in life.he didnt believe in God. and when you dont have that, you dont have anything really. cause there is the possibilty of every single important person in your life to leave u, even when u try to hold on to them. but never will He. and He is the ONE u can turn to for anything. the ONLY one u can 100% trust. the BEST person to turn to for advice. its sad that alot of us know this, we have access to it 24/7, but we forget. the answer is always right there in front of us. but why then do some of us choose to ignore it. we choose not to knock on that door. we choose not to open up that book. we homosapiens always want the easy way out. we want something tangible. we want the answer to come immediately right on our doorstep. we want it our way and we want it now. we think so highly of ourselves that we think we know whats best for us.

yes, a tad emo there. its just that his death was kind of a slap to my face. waking me up. he was a rily rily rily nice guy. he didnt feel he had much to live for in this world, so he took his life, maybe hoping he might have something more in the nxt life, or maybe just because he was tired of it all =(

the thing is, all of us still living today..we have SO much to be grateful for. we have family, friends who we know love us. and insyaAllah alot of us have faith in God. we have good food. we have good weather. our loved ones dont get bombed tibe2. we have the oppurtunity to better ourselves each day. so why do we say this is not enough? why do we demand for more? what is it that we want actually? why do we see all that we dont have, instead of fixating,being grateful, thankful, loving and enjoy all the many many many things that He has bestowed on us. can we ever be thankful enough? i dont think so, and yet He still showers us with the niagra falls of blessings.

lets try embracing as much of evrything we have, maybe then we can find some peace.

=) wow, i feel so much better letting that out.

banana pie

been a while..nothing to blog about. but lots of unwanted incidents have happened these past few weeks.reading alot of emotional entries. its probably the stress getting to us.anyway, to my beloved friends out there who i have tried to console, but i know i didnt do much to ease ur problems =( all i can say is that my ears r always free =)

heres something that makes me feel better everytime i read it, hope it has the same effect on u guys =)

ALLAH'S PLANS

some things are beyond planning

and life doesnt always turn out as planned

you dont plan for a broken heart

you dont plan for an autistic child

you dont plan for spinsterhood

you dont plan for a lump in your breast

you plan to be young forever

you plan to climb the corporate ladder

you plan to be rich and powerful

you plan to be acclaimed and successful

you plan to conquer the universe

you plan to fall in love~ and be loved forever

you dont plan to be sad

you dont plan to be hurt

you dont plan to be broke

you dont plan to be betrayed

you dont plan to be alone in this world

you plan to be happy

you dont plan to be shattered

sometimes if you work hard enough

you can get what you want

but MOST times, what you want and what you get are two different things

we,mortals, plan.

but so does Allah in the heavens

sometimes, it is difficult to understand Allah's plans

especially when His plans are not in accordance with ours

often, when He sends us crisis,

we turn to him in anger.

true, we cannot choose what Allah wishes us to carry

but we can carry it with courage

knowing that He'll never abandon us

nor send us something we cannot cope with

sometimes, Allah breaks our spirit to save our soul

sometimes, He breaks our heart to make us whole

sometimes, He allows pain so we can be stronger

sometimes, Allah sends us failure so we can be humble

sometimes, He allows illness so we can take better care of ourselves.

and sometimes, Allah takes everything away from us

so we can learn the value of everything He gave us

make plans, but understand that we live by Allah's grace

and rmbr , people need love even when they dont deserve it .. (a topic for another time..heh)

esk exam! haha yes,im good at diverting myself from studying =p

oh,and my title doesnt have anything to do with this post, just rase cam nak mkn banana pie sgt2 right now .. or pengat..or banana cake..or lepat pisang..or..hmmm

need a break

its been a while since my last post. there are days when i have loads to write about but no time to actually do it. msk is definitely a heavy block. all the muscles n nerves n arteries. i hate having to memorize. i find it easier to understand concepts and use common sense. i guess its because im very much a 'last minute studying' kind of person. and to memorize, u cant do it at the last minute. =/ i failed the last test. hah. yep. didnt expect to though. but Alhamdullilah, it came at the right time i guess. theres still 2 weeks to finals. at least i got my wake up call. i was beginning to be too complacent. bad bad. 

im not a very competitive person. in fact, i dont think im competitive at all. and im beginning to see the bad effects of being that way. but how do you force yourself to be competitive?

im going a little off track. need to get back on the horse. get back in the game.

yesterday's seminar was quite informative and somewhat motivational. i really really like Dr Azlan. hehe. i can relate to him better than any of the other speakers. he failed his anatomy during his master's. haha. but he's a great ortho surgeon now. he wasnt the 'consistent studying' kind. he didnt memorize every single detail in the books. he used a lot of common sense. which is what i like to do as well. 

i am very much behind in world news. i feel bad that i dont know whats going on elsewhere in the world. as much as i know i should care about the politics in malaysia right now, i really really dont. i've never really understood politics. to many creases i have yet to iron out. im just praying that all will work out for the best. 

the sound of crickets

back in cyber!! mixed feelings . really not looking forward to starting classes again. but cant wait to see my peeps! =))

went to a camping trip in hulu langat for 3 days. one of the best i've been too!! the scenery was totally GORGEOUS!! we were surrounded by treeeeees all around. right next to a river. the nights were filled with thousands of stars. the sky was clear. we took the time to just sit under the stars,on top of a mountain, and think about all of God's creations which we always take for granted. it was pitch black, and quiet, the peaceful kind. with only the occasional sound of the crickets singing. which was kinda soothing. at that time, u just felt like crying. especially when they talk about our brothers n sisters in palestine. and how, once, a long time ago, they had all this as well. their nights were also peaceful n filled with the sound of crickets doing their thing. now, they often sleep in terror, the fear that tonight might be the last night for them or one of their loved ones. they doze off, tired..after spending the whole night being being afraid. no peaceful crickets, just the scary blasting of bombs. not the kind of lullaby u and i sleep too. the sound of crickets ~ we often dont even hear it kan?.. yet another thing we take for granted.

brain freeze

u know the feeling when u feel like writing something. but u just cant put it out in words?

im getting that a lot right now. haihs. this is bad for my brain. i need to get it out. hah.

bro going back to aussie 2mrw nite =( poor mum will be all alone at home after that.

me going back to kl on tuesday insyaAllah.

lotsa things need to be done before going back. and loadsss to be done once im back in cyber. the batch meeting. prof latif is still angry with us i suppose. feeling very very lazy to go back to that. and of cos, will have to go back to musculoskeletal classes. all the names. argh. kemalasan. yeah,im feeling that exactly.laziness.

oh well. life has to go on.

pheww~~

this past 2 days have been great. tiring but great..=)

i went to places in JB i wouldnt have gone to normally. walked around a lot. took looadsss of pic. that was to be expected la when it comes to this bunch of ppl (myself included) and with baem's new olympus.hahh..ape lagi. cant wait to see the pics. ate tons! had my favourite chicken chop at it roo. and the famous old bread shop that bakes its bread in a really old furnace. nice. and i got back late. and my dad didnt really mind. which was really weird. all in all ~ it was a blast! =)

today was my lazing around day. woke up early. had my coffee.lepak with petiti.talked to my mom alot. then my dad came home and tried to korek my secrets. haha. he failed. =p

am now reading this book by 'Aaidh Ibn Abdullah. its called 'dont be sad'. really good. stressing on the fact, that as muslims, we should be eternal optimists. which is something we always forget.

He has given us so much, and still, as usual, we want what we have not. my mom reminds me all the time ~ count ur blessings,tosh.

" And if u would count the graces of Allah, never could you be able to count them"
[Quran 14.34]

liku-liku hidup

so anis is on the bus on the way to JB! it seems he had to go thru a lot of 'liku-liku hidup' to get on the bus. hahahaha. drama king that he is. have yet to hear the liku-liku. and so now i have to belanje him. haha. dun mind though. have nab's money.wakakaka

2nite baem n shafiq reaching. 2mrw bringing them around jb with sara. naseb baik ade driver. haha. they want to go to the best places in jb. the ones ive been raving about. the thing is ~ the only best place in jb is my house. hah! particularly my room. =p

guess it'll just be the 2nd best places. Cs? danga bay. ape lg ek? jusco! hmm..oh will bring them to jln dobi. the place with all the mak nyahs. and the best chicken chop.hah. lets focus on the chicken chop je la =p

thoughts to.. ponder on?..ponder upon?

read this. loved it. sharing it.

life is a continuous process of growth and decay. although God presents us with innumerable opportunities to receive guidance, He also allows us to err and to stray. It is by trial and error and by realizing and rising above our mistakes that we learn and progress to higher levels of goodness, thus error, if self-discovered and repented of sincerely, can lead ultimately to a higher state:

"For him who repents, and believes, and does what is right-those, God will change their evil deeds into good deeds, for God is ever All-forgiving, All-compassionate" (25:70)

Our spirituality would stagnate without the potential for error, realization, and reform. So vital are these to our development in this earthly stage, that the prophet (SAW) reported that if mankind ceased sinning, God would replace it by another creation that would continue to sin and repent to gain His forgiveness. (muslim)

and my favourite ~
"When you approach God by an arm's length, He approaches you by two and if you come to Him walking, He comes to you running "

beautiful isnt it. and yet so many of us forget, and take Him for granted. we forget to repent. we forget to be thankful. myself included.

Ps/ to my cacat friend out there, this post is especially for you. just remember that the door to repentance is always always open to you. and He loves u more than anyone ever could. so why not salurkan all your love to Him. its the only type of love that i can guarantee will be reciprocated and can only lead to happiness =)) insyaAllah..

of love ~ lalalaaa

quote of the day

"love is like an onion. u peel layer after stinking layer until u're left weeping at the sink"

hahahahhahahahhaha from 30 rock.

dont know why i found it so freakin funny. but i was laughing till i cried. and long after evryone else had stopped laughing. haha. sick?

i think i have too much free time on my hands right now. its getting to my head. =p

plain happy

yesterday a wise friend (cehh..) told me to 'give urself a break'..'jgn asek pk org je'..'dun feel guilty just becos ure feeling the happines'..

today i decided to take her advice =)

so im very selfish today. n very very happy =D

counting my blessings. nothing to complain about. wish evryone was feeling the same

plain happiness

=D

simple pleasures

im back in beautiful beautiful JB =)

woke up late. ate good home food. with tempe! havent had that in toooo long. and the tempe they have at terminal are usually stale or overcooked. yucks. then i just lepaked with my sisters n mom n dad n bro n bro in-law. then after dinner, they watched a movie. i didnt feel like it. so i went upstairs with some coffee n a new book. just sat on the bed under the comfy comfy comforter, sipping good good coffee n reading a good good book (so far)..my definition of relaxing really.

what can i say.. life is good..=))

alhamdulillah

recipe for a happy faran : her family members around her+petiti+coffee+a good book [occasionally she needs her handphone =) ]

somewhere over the rainbow

i dont think people stop long enough to just sit and look at the sky. i have a thing for clouds. i love looking at white fluffy clouds. with a bright blue background. reminds me again how great God is. i think all of us should take some time to appreciate these seemingly little details. it makes us remember that there are bigger things in life than just our lives. the world does not evolve around us. heh.

i love rainbows. and sunrises and sunsets. they make me happy =)

ps- yes, little details make me happy..and no,that doesnt mean i have lower taste than u, afiq =p

sharing some photos i have. the beautiful sky as seen from my room in KMJ, tangkak. the only good thing they had going there..hehe

amazing...no?

one of my favourites..sunset

another one

comel gile theses clouds

tribute to paco

my paco died last night =(
i feel guilty cos i let her out of the cage..she was too little..but i let her out cos i was feeling guilty coping her up in a cage. i never kurung my cats in cages. anyway, im glad i got to bury her behind our house. closure.

i knew i'd get attached once i named it. i knew i didnt have enuff time to give her the attention she needed. bygones?

ps- thx a lot to evryone involved. u guys know who u r. i was a tad 2 emotional. hah! must be the hormones. =p thx for the toilet-door-knocking, thx for the tissues, thx for the hugs, thx for the funny story(x klaka sgt pon) , thx for the car ride, thx for showing me the place she died (with hesitation...huh) thx for the soothing words (eventho i noe it was kinda stupid..heh) last but definitely not least..thx for the cangkul.. without which i could not let her rest in peace =D

changes - inevitable

i've changed a lot in the past year. ALOT. for the better i hope =)

when i read my old writings,it seems like im reading someone else's thoughts. its funny sometimes. and sometimes i cant believe there was a time i thought that way. my personality is still the same i guess, just my views and principles. they've somewhat evolved. heh

sat down with one of my close friends today and talked about it. sometimes my old friends dont like the changes in me. at times i feel like they wont understand even if i explain to them. i used to hate change. after school, everyone felt the need to hang on to each other. hoping we'd be best buds forever. then we move around and meet different people. different environments. we no longer talk about the same things. when we meet, there'll be lots of awkward silences. so we break them by reminiscing(spellcheck) about old times. it was sad when i couldnt talk to my best friend about everything. during school days, we used to talk to each other for 4 hours every night. even if we'd already spent the whole day together. =)

now i know change is inevitable. most of the time, the changes are for the better. we just have to try and see the best there is to it. take life as it is. embrace change. life will seem a whole lot easier that way. =)

"be the change u want to see in the world" mahatma gandhi <--so simple so true

the one with all the sudden realizations

its an amazing thing - friendship =)

its wonderful how a close friend can understand what ure saying without u saying it
how u cannot act in front of them, because they see right through u
how they love to tease and make fun of u..but you know they dont mean it
its great that i can call any one of them up in the middle of the night just to drink and talk

i used to think i was acting. i was pretending to be happy all the time. i didnt let my problems affect me. like i was wearing a mask or something. but now that i think of it, i kinda like this mask on. im thinking its already glued on and wont ever come of. and thats ok.

some people think its cool to be cold and cynical. i really think its not. why make ur life miserable when you have the choice to make it happy. i believe happiness is a choice. no one has a perfect life. its how u take it. how u deal with it. however, lotsa people like to make excuses. (myself included) we make excuses for the stupid things we do. just so we'd feel less guilty and ok doing it.

this past year,i think i've made a number of really really good friends who i can count on no matter what. they have their shortcomings. who doesnt? but they always always come through in the end. and i thank God for that. it is such a blessing =D

of cold n warm lime juice

Just came back from a long chat with a friend. Someone who I never really really talked to before this. I just know that she has certain views. Certain principles that she sticks to. And I admire people with principles. And she was definitely here when everyone else wasn’t =)

I really really needed that talk. There are times, when I feel a certain way- like Im swaying a little from what I believe in. its times like these. When I need to talk to people who can remind me again of what im made of. Sometimes I just need to talk it out. And everything will come into perspective by itself. So sometimes I just need a soundin board. Because I know these things, they just need to be heard out loud. And I cant very well talk to myself out loud kn..people already think im crazy as it is. heh.

Anyway, she tells today that I think to far away in the future. And I do, do that. I cant help it. I love to plan. I need to plan. Im not one to take risks. Im not proud of that. but I think its what keeps me safe. Yep,I play it safe. So what? better safe than sorry right? i plan things,and sometimes things don’t go as I planned them (duhh)..and I can live with that. cause I believe everything that happens, happens for a reason. And everything has its hikmahs. Might be in this world-or the next. Some people comment that by being this way, im not living life to the fullest. All the what ifs…but we’re not suppose to ask ‘what if’..everyhting that is suppose to happen—happens.. right? so I prefer to play it safe – u don’t..its an individual right..well,at least I know I cant be a businesswoman for sure. Heh

Being paranoid is also a part of me that im often told off for. I am paranoid. When im walking down the street and see a bunch of guys walking towards me, I think of a million things they might or could do,and a million other things I can do to protect myself. I visualize whats in my bag to use as a weapon. I look around to see if there would be anyone to come if I shouted for help. Its not prejudism. Its again, me being careful.maybe its because I watch to many movies. Or hearing of to many people being robbed and raped these days. It never hurts to be a little extra careful. Of course, in the end – all’s in God’ s will. If he allows it, it will happen. So what do we do? we pray that He protects us from harm . ya wali..(when I was younger, my brother and I practiced breathing techniques in case someone tries to suffocate u with a pillow. Haha! Yep. I was paranoid since young. Its doable. U can breath. U just have to relax. Don’t panic. And try acting as if u died. Fast. Huh try it. )

So that’s y ive never been serious with anyone before. I mean in relationships. I don’t want to lead anyone one. And I don’t want to pursue something that might be risky. Im not picky. Im just careful. Im allowed right? I do hope I find someone. Obviously. I just wonder who that person is. and where the hell could he be hiding for the past 21 years..

another one

this is my 4th blog i think. the first 2 were rubbish..and i just grew out of the 3rd one. i have days when i keep blogging. then there'll be a lonnnng stretch of time where i wont write anything. it comes in waves i guess. so i keep deleting my blogs. but i need to write. its therapeutic to me. sometimes i think to much and i dont want to bother anyone with my thoughts. especially at night. before going to bed, its amazing how fast my brain can work at that time.



also, i can practice my spelling here. its much better now i think. =)



i'll be entering my 2nd medical sem on monday. Alhamdullilah..times flies really really fast here. maybe its because evrythings kinda like routine already. its stressful. but enjoyable at the same time. its enjoyable stress..that a word? everyone is sleep deprived. and the stress makes me wake up in the middle of the night every 2 hours. so i get my quality sleep during the weekends. agak melampau the quality sometimes. =p



we've entered 2008! 2007 was a real blessing.one of the best years of my life. hopefully 2008 can top that. insyaAllah.



missing home. as usual. JB is to far to go home on weekends or 4 day breaks. i've come to the age where i value family more than anything. now only my mother sees me as adult enough to tell me certain things which shock me. things she kept from us before this. things she had to go through to make ends meet. to make us happy. the sacrifices. so now everytime i go home, i stay home. i rarely go out anymore with my friends in jb. i'd rather sit with my mother and just talk or watch the discovery channel with her.



i cant wait to have kids. but its really really hard to raise children. what with the world becoming uglier by the minute. it scares me to think of what my kids might have to go through in the future. i see my friends who were raised in good homes. with good religious backgrounds ..lost when they mix around with the wrong crowd. so many of them drink now. the bf-gf issues are too extended to be discussed here. they somehow think they're married. hmm..



i see these things going on around me all the time. most of them going on with my close frens. i know i need to do something. most of the time i feel helpless. like i cant really make a difference. then i realize that im making excuses for myself. alasans .